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The Mystery of Imaginary Ugliness
...To a person handicapped by a genuine congenital defect, or suffering from an actual facial disfigurement as a
result of an accident, plastic surgery can indeed seemingly perform magic.
From such cases it would be easy to theorize that the cure-all for all neuroses, unhappiness,
failure, fear, anxiety and lack of self-confidence would be wholesale plastic surgery to remove all bodily defects.
However, according to this theory, persons with normal or acceptable faces should be singularly free from all psychological handicaps.
They should be cheerful, happy,
self-confident, free from anxiety and worry.
We know only too
well this is not true.
Nor can such a theory explain the people who visit the office of a plastic surgeon and demand a "face lift" to cure a purely imaginary ugliness.
There are the 35- or 45-year-old women who are convinced that they look "old" even though their appearance is perfectly "normal" and in
many cases unusually attractive.
There are the young girls who are convinced that they are "ugly" merely because their mouth, nose or bust measurement does not exactly match that of the currently reigning movie queen.
There are men who believe that their ears are too big or their noses too long.
No ethical plastic surgeon would even consider operating upon these people, but unfortunately the quacks, or so-called "beauty doctors" whom no medical association will admit to membership, have no such qualms.
Such "imaginary ugliness" is not at all uncommon.
A recent survey of college co-eds showed that 90 per cent were dissatisfied in some way with their appearance.
If the words "normal" or "average" mean anything at all, it is obvious that 90 per cent of our population cannot be "abnormal" or "different" or "defective" in appearance.
10 PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS
Nor can such a theory explain the people who visit the office of a plastic surgeon and demand a "face lift" to cure a purely imaginary ugliness.
There are the 35- or 45-year-old women who are convinced that they look "old" even though their appearance is perfectly "normal" and in
many cases unusually attractive.
There are the young girls who are convinced that they are "ugly" merely because their mouth, nose or bust measurement does not exactly match that of the currently reigning movie queen.
There are men who believe that their ears are too big or their noses too long.
No ethical plastic surgeon would even consider operating upon these people, but unfortunately the quacks, or so-called "beauty doctors" whom no medical association will admit to membership, have no such qualms.
Such "imaginary ugliness" is not at all uncommon.
A recent survey of college co-eds showed that 90 per cent were dissatisfied in some way with their appearance.
If the words "normal" or "average" mean anything at all, it is obvious that 90 per cent of our population cannot be "abnormal" or "different" or "defective" in appearance.
10 PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS
Yet, similar surveys have shown that approximately the same percentage of our general population find some reason to be ashamed of their body-image.
These people react just as if they suffered an actual disfigurement.
They feel the same shame.
They develop the
same fears and anxieties.
Their capacity to really "live" fully is blocked and choked by the same sort of psychologic
roadblocks.
Their "scars," though mental and emotional
rather than physical, are just as debilitating.
The Self-image—the Real Secret
Discovery of the self-image explains all the apparent discrepancies we have been discussing.
It is the common denominator—the determining factor in all our case histories, the failures as well as the successes.
The secret is this:
To really "live," that is to find life
reasonably satisfying, you must have an adequate and realistic self image that you can live with.
You must find your self acceptable to "you."
You must have a wholesome
self-esteem.
You must have a self that you can trust
and believe in.
You must have a self that you are not
ashamed to "be," and one that you can feel free to express creatively, rather than to hide or cover up.
You must have a self that corresponds to reality so that you can function effectively in a real world.
You must know yourself—both your strengths and your weaknesses and be honest with yourself concerning both.
Your self-image must be a reasonable approximation of "you," being neither more than you are, nor less than you are.
When this self-image is intact and secure, you feel "good."
When it is threatened, you feel anxious and insecure.
When it is adequate and one that you can be
wholesomely proud of, you feel self-confident. You feel free to "be yourself" and to express yourself.
You function at your optimum.
When it is an object of shame, you attempt to hide it rather than express it.
THE
SELF IMAGE 11
Creative expression
is blocked.
You become hostile and hard to get along
with.
If a scar on the face enhances the self-image (as in the case of the German duelist), self-esteem and self-confidence are increased.
If a scar on the face detracts from the self-image (as in the case of the salesman), loss of selfesteem
and self-confidence results.
When a facial disfigurement is corrected by plastic surgery, dramatic psychologic changes result only if there is a corresponding correction of the mutilated self-image.
Sometimes the image of a disfigured self persists even after successful surgery, much the same as the "phantom limb" may continue to feel pain years after the physical arm or leg has been amputated.
I Begin a New Career These observations led me into a new career.
Some 15 years ago I became convinced that the people who consult a plastic surgeon need more than surgery and that some of them do not need surgery at all.
If I were to treat these people as patients, as a whole person rather than as merely a nose, ear, mouth, arm or leg, I needed to be in a position to give them something more.
I needed to be able to show them how to obtain a spiritual face lift, how to remove emotional scars, how to change their attitudes and thoughts as well as their physical appearance.
This study has been most rewarding.
Today, I am more convinced than ever that what each of us really wants, deep down, is more LIFE.
Happiness, success, peace of mind, or whatever your own conception of supreme good may be, is experienced in its essence as-more life.
When we experience expansive emotions of happiness, self-confidence, and success, we enjoy more life.
And to the degree that we inhibit our abilities, frustrate our God-given talents, and allow ourselves to suffer anxiety, fear, self-condemnation and self-hate, we literally choke off the life force available to us and turn our back upon the gift
12 PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS
which our Creator has made.
To the degree that we deny the gift of life, we embrace death.
YOUR PROGRAM FOR
self-esteem.
You must have a self that you can trust
and believe in.
You must have a self that you are not
ashamed to "be," and one that you can feel free to express creatively, rather than to hide or cover up.
You must have a self that corresponds to reality so that you can function effectively in a real world.
You must know yourself—both your strengths and your weaknesses and be honest with yourself concerning both.
Your self-image must be a reasonable approximation of "you," being neither more than you are, nor less than you are.
When this self-image is intact and secure, you feel "good."
When it is threatened, you feel anxious and insecure.
When it is adequate and one that you can be
wholesomely proud of, you feel self-confident. You feel free to "be yourself" and to express yourself.
You function at your optimum.
When it is an object of shame, you attempt to hide it rather than express it.
THE
SELF IMAGE 11
Creative expression
is blocked.
You become hostile and hard to get along
with.
If a scar on the face enhances the self-image (as in the case of the German duelist), self-esteem and self-confidence are increased.
If a scar on the face detracts from the self-image (as in the case of the salesman), loss of selfesteem
and self-confidence results.
When a facial disfigurement is corrected by plastic surgery, dramatic psychologic changes result only if there is a corresponding correction of the mutilated self-image.
Sometimes the image of a disfigured self persists even after successful surgery, much the same as the "phantom limb" may continue to feel pain years after the physical arm or leg has been amputated.
I Begin a New Career These observations led me into a new career.
Some 15 years ago I became convinced that the people who consult a plastic surgeon need more than surgery and that some of them do not need surgery at all.
If I were to treat these people as patients, as a whole person rather than as merely a nose, ear, mouth, arm or leg, I needed to be in a position to give them something more.
I needed to be able to show them how to obtain a spiritual face lift, how to remove emotional scars, how to change their attitudes and thoughts as well as their physical appearance.
This study has been most rewarding.
Today, I am more convinced than ever that what each of us really wants, deep down, is more LIFE.
Happiness, success, peace of mind, or whatever your own conception of supreme good may be, is experienced in its essence as-more life.
When we experience expansive emotions of happiness, self-confidence, and success, we enjoy more life.
And to the degree that we inhibit our abilities, frustrate our God-given talents, and allow ourselves to suffer anxiety, fear, self-condemnation and self-hate, we literally choke off the life force available to us and turn our back upon the gift
12 PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS
which our Creator has made.
To the degree that we deny the gift of life, we embrace death.
YOUR PROGRAM FOR
BETTER LIVING...
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